Possessed: His Struggle
by Princess of the Midnight Moon
Summary: Baralai comes back after being possessed a different man. This story is about his struggles to win back his own life and put it all back together again as Paine jumps in for the ride!
1. Prologue: His Own Personal Hell

Prologue: His Own Personal Hell  
  
Every evening when the village of Besaid lit the bon fires and spent their nights conversing, he walked into the shadows away from the crowd. He had no desire to be around people any more, especially people who were there that day. He was afraid that the people who he respected had prejudice against him now. That was something he couldn't handle right now. Maybe a year or two down the road but not now.  
  
He spent his nights and days alone, as far away from people as he could. Mostly he studied Spira's history in hopes that it would take his mind off of what happened. If he needed to go out for food or just to get away, he did it alone. The only words he spoke to people were just a quick hello and how are you, and then he would walk the other way. He was almost sure that everyone was worried about him, but he couldn't assure them that he was fine since he didn't know himself. There was one thing he really missed and that was spending time with Paine. Every time he looked at her now he saw the pain in her eyes and hoped that one day he would be able to explain what he was going through. But still walking past her when he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her. That hurt him the most.  
  
She didn't know what she did to have him not talk to her. It hurt and it hurt badly. She knew he was going through something that nobody else had gone through, but still she worried. She watched as he slid away from the fires at night and found herself wanting to follow him. She couldn't allow herself to do that though. There was too much at risk to push herself on him like that. He may even begin to hate her, which she didn't want. She did know that somehow and some way it would work out for not only her but him as well.  
  
As she sat on her couch reading a book she had been meaning to read for three years, she glanced up just in time to see Baralai walk in front of her window. He was carrying a package she guessed was food towards his house. Her mind went to thinking of when she would be able to be in his arms. She needed it as much as he did right now. The book fell out of her hands and hit the floor, which made her jump. She looked down at it and remembered where she was. She decided something right then and there that just may seal her fate with him.  
  
Paine stood up and walked out her door and towards his. She stopped right before she knocked to think. What if he doesn't want me here? What if I just make it worse? She put those thoughts away and only thought about how good it would be for him to talk to someone. She moved her hand and it seemed like forever for it to reach his door. When it finally did, the knock was a soft but distinctive one.  
  
It startled him at first. He didn't know what it was. When he finally figured it out, he kind of hoped who ever knocked would still be there. It had been over two months since he had a visitor. Now that he thought about it, he was sure that he wasn't ready for a guest and neither was his house, but he sure didn't want to turn anyone away. That would be rude! He walked into his living room and slowly to his door. He wanted as much time of peace as he could before someone came into his life again and ruined it. Reaching for the door handle he didn't know who to expect on the other side of the door. As the door slide open inch by inch he began seeing the person who interrupted his haven little by little. The images that he saw were slowly becoming one. When the image was complete all the thoughts in his head and the words in his mouth disappeared! He stood there speechless looking at the beauty that was in front of him.  
  
When he opened the door she saw how bad he felt and how bad it's been for him. He had a beard now and by the looks of it, two days worth. Why didn't I notice that before when he walked by my window? She saw there were bags underneath his eyes probably from not getting any sleep. He was thinner and very pale. Paine knew now that it was right for her to worry about him.  
  
"Hello Baralai! I wanted to come see you!" Paine looked into his eyes and noticed that although his body showed signs of dying, his eyes didn't. She was grateful for that. That meant that he could still fight it.  
  
"Oh you did? Why? I almost ruined Spira and almost killed all of my friends!" He said it with such vengeance and hatred that it almost scared her. She thought that he was just in pain and that was his only way of letting it out.  
  
"Yes Baralai! I missed you. That's why! Is it so wrong for me to miss you?" She moved closer to him and resisted the urge to wrap her arms around him. She could feel he wasn't ready and that her being here was making him uncomfortable, but she wasn't ready to leave yet.  
  
"I guess it's not, but I still don't understand why you would even care!" He turned and walked into the kitchen leaving the door wide open.  
  
She took that as an invitation to come in. Before she even walked in a stench hit her that smelled like sweat and rotten meat. As she slowly walked in trying not to breathe, she noticed the trash all over the living room and the food left out every where. She decided to leave the door open and just shut the screen door. Deciding to also open the windows had her climbing over dirty clothes and piles of trash knee high. Finally she got to the windows and she couldn't get them open quick enough. Before she even went to look for Baralai, she started to pick up the garbage and food that he threw carelessly on the floor.  
  
As she was picking up a piece of food, a mouse ran out from under it. She dropped the piece of food and almost screamed, but decided that she had fought things much worse to let a little mouse scare her. Laughing at herself she picked it up again and reached for another piece. When her arms were full she took it all to the trash can, but it was over flowing with trash as well. She put the trash she just picked up back on the floor and grabbed the trash bag. Pulling it out was a little hard since it was so full, but she did it and walked it outside.  
When she came back in, Baralai was standing at the back door staring at the trash can. He heard her, looked up and asked, "What are you doing?"  
  
She decided to tell him the truth. "This place looks and smells like a pig sty. I am cleaning so stay out of my way. We will talk when I am done! GOT IT!" She didn't wait for him to answer. Paine walked over to the sink, opened the cabinet and reached for a trash bag, but came up empty handed. "Oh this is great!"  
  
"What?" was all he could say. He was embarrassed that his house looked this way, but he had more important things on his mind.  
  
"There are no trash bags and no cleaning supplies for that matter." She checked once again and turned around to face him. "I have to go get some stuff from the store."  
  
"NO!" He practically yelled it out.  
  
"What?" She had grabbed her chest and stepped back away from him.  
  
"I didn't mean for that to sound mean or hateful. I meant no I will go and get them. Write a list for me while I go get a shower and shave." He thought about telling her to get out of here and never come back but he decided against it. He couldn't be that mean to someone who just came into his home and started cleaning up the huge mess he's been avoiding for the past two months.  
  
"Umm...okay! I will be outside in the back. This place has a nasty stench, Baralai." Paine didn't say it to be mean. She just believed that the truth should be told no matter what. She was almost positive that most of the time it hurt, but not everything is suppose to be peachy keen. He turned and headed for the stairs, but Paine stopped him with a question. "Do you have some paper and a pen?"  
  
"Hmm...I don't think I do! I basically ran out of everything, if you haven't noticed." He didn't know what to do. If she couldn't write him a list, he couldn't get the items. There was only one more thing he could do. "Why don't you come with me?" He hated to say it, because he was a loner now, but it was the only reasonable thing to do.  
  
She thought about it for a minute and said, "I guess! Don't take long though, but make sure you get clean. I will be outside!"  
  
As she walked outside, he noticed that she had opened the windows and the front door. Does it really stink that much in here? He wouldn't know, because he would be use to it. When he saw that the screen door was closed and Paine was sitting outside on a chair he turned and started to walk up the stairs. About half way up the stairs he got a whiff of himself and nearly threw up. "How long has it been since I got a shower?" He said it quietly and to himself, but it still made him all the more embarrassed. Reaching the top of the stairs he decided to open the windows up here as well. When he completely that task he headed towards the bathroom at the back of the room. One look into it made him disgusted and frustrated. He pulled off his clothes and threw them into the overflowing basket outside the door.  
  
He walked towards the shower and past the mirror. He just barely glanced in the mirror and it made him do a double take. Who did I become? He saw exactly what Paine did. "A few good meals, a shave, a shower and some sun will do the trick." He reached for the shower curtain and pulled it back. Stepping in, he turned the water on warm and stepped underneath the running water. Each little drop felt good against his body and felt like it was washing away the past two months. He knew it wasn't that easy or he would be in the shower all day and all night. He washed his body twice with old soap and the same with his hair. He stayed in the shower an extra few seconds because it felt good and then he pulled the shower curtain back. The cool air from outside hit him and made him shiver, but it felt really good.  
  
He pulled at a towel on the rack that looked like it hadn't been used. It hadn't! He dried his hair, wrapped it around his lower body then stepped out of the tub. Baralai walked over to the sink and opened the cabinet. The shaving cream and razor were old, but they would work. He worked for about five minutes to get a nice clean shave that made him look better. "Now comes the hard part, finding a clean set of clothing."  
  
He finally found a set and had it on when Paine yelled up the stairs. "Are you done yet? Don't make me come up there. I am sure that will embarrass you more!"  
  
Laughing for the first time in months, Baralai replied, "Yes, I will meet you outside in a minute!" She said okay and he heard the door close. He reached for his wallet and put it in his pocket and then started down the stairs. With one look at his house, he opened the screen door and stepped out.  
  
Will Paine get Baralai to snap out of it fully or will Baralai be stuck in his own personal hell for the rest of his life?  
  
Hey guys! Thanks for reading my story. It was an idea from a friend who wanted me to write it. I am writing it for her! I hope you like it. Please give me your reviews. I would really appreciate them. I will update as soon as a can, so try to be patient.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, nor will I ever! 


	2. Annoyed

**Annoyed!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor will I ever!

Dear Readers: I am so sorry I haven't updated this story before now. Yes I realize that it had been two years before this update and it kind of sucks! LOL! Unfortunately I have had so much to do and so much going on that my real life did not permit me to continue my writing! Thankfully, however, my writing is starting up again. So be prepared to read, read, read!! LOL! Let me know what you think of the story so far. I am not going to give hints to what happens. You will just have to catch the next chapter!

* * *

Baralai couldn't believe that after three years of pain and torment that he was putting himself back into a place that was bound to hurt him in the long run. He felt that he didn't deserve to be around her and for that matter his friends. Actually he knew he didn't! That day he almost killed them had really did a number on his heart and soul. Although he had tried for three years, he couldn't forgive himself for allowing that to happen. There must have been a way he could have prevented it. Something he could have done that would have ensured the safety of those he loved. In all truth he wasn't really worried about himself. He would have gladly died that day, and if he could live that day over again, he would have allowed that to happen. Death had to be better than what meager existence he was living now. No friends! No real life! Just staying hidden and moping!

As they stepped outside, dusk had just begun to fall. He knew that if they didn't hurry the market was going to close. If that happened, he would have to deal with Paine meddling in his life tomorrow. Of course it wasn't that he didn't try to appreciate what she was trying to do, but he had shut off his feelings a long time ago. He could almost guarantee that those feelings would stay shut off.

Baralai quickened his step, not really caring whether Paine was keeping up. Unfortunately he remembered that she had long legs and could keep up with just about anyone. As he walked, he thought about the past three years. He hadn't really bothered anyone with his thoughts and feelings, so he was sure that no one had a clue at the guilt he had been feeling as well as the pain of watching his friends continue with their normal lives. Walking into the market five minutes before closing was a really bad idea, but he had no other choice if he wanted her to go away and leave him alone.

"What are you rushing for? We have time!" Paine reached forward and grabbed his arm. A small zing ran up her arm almost causing her to drop his arm. She longed to pull him against her and make him forget his problems by seducing him. However, in the long run, she was sure he would never forgive her for something like that.

"Time?" He stopped in the middle of the aisle and turned to face her. "No Paine…we don't have time! We have five minutes to get everything we need. Not everyone likes to do things at the last minute!" He looked around quickly and said quietly, "Let's split up! I will get food and you get cleaning stuff." Not waiting for her answer, he walked away as if he couldn't wait to get away from her.

Paine was so confused. Before she joined the Gullwings, they had been really close almost to the point of her thinking he would propose. Unfortunately so much has happened since then and it hurt to know he was alone and hurting all the time. She would love to soothe that pain away for him. Hold him and kiss him until he forgets everything but her. As she walked towards a stall selling cleaning supplies she couldn't help but hope that Baralai wouldn't kick her out as soon as they got back. She had only made a little bit of a dent in his house.

The moment she walked up to the door she smelt the stink that obviously came from the trash and left over food all over the house, as well as the laundry that had piled up. For the life of her, Paine could never begin to understand why guys insisted on living in such filth. Grabbing one of everything, she paid and headed towards the food part of the market. She was sure that Baralai would buy food that wasn't really healthy.

For the passed few years, Spira had been coming out with portable food packages that allows people a little freedom along the way of cooking. Paine had to admit that being able to pull out one of those packages and just popping it into the little oven was really nice when she didn't feel like slaving over a meal. If she had to say, it was perfect for those single people who had no one to share a meal with. Unfortunately, Paine belonged to that group. Not that she minded much, since she normally was a loner. Guessing that this was a weird situation, she couldn't begin to explain why she insisted on being around Baralai. In a way, he seemed like a loner to her, especially in the last few years.

Glancing around, she noticed him as he stood talking to one of the vendors. She could just barely make out his face from the side, but the side she was seeing looked gorgeous. His back muscles were lean and his shoulders broad. She longed to run her hands and nails down his back towards his luscious butt. Actually she had a lot more in mind, but she would just have to wait for that. "We will take three of everything!" She hadn't waited for him to ask her to join. If he wasn't going to take care of his life, she was just going to step in and take over.

He gave her a dirty look as he watched the vendor package the items she just ordered. "So who is going to eat all of this? I can't eat it all before it spoils." He had dreaded even asking, but he couldn't help asking. She was basically saying with the purchase that she planned on being in his life for the next week at least. It wasn't as if his body minded a beautiful woman around, but his heart and soul did mind. How could he possibly begin to try and get over the fact he almost killed his friends…well…his old friends…with her around? He would have to work ten times harder to hide his feelings. Actually, he couldn't really decide whether it was the invasion of his life and privacy that he was upset about or whether the invasion was going to be by a woman he wanted any way he could get her. It would be calling himself a liar if he didn't admit that the woman standing next to him didn't stir a longing in him.

All he knew was the next few days were going to be torture by having to deal with hiding his want for Paine and having to deal with someone always being around. He could actually feel that she was going to suggest that she stay over and it was completely rude for him to tell her no. She was going to help him clean up his house, which he didn't realize was getting so bad. Plus, she had a cute ass, but he wasn't getting on that subject since he would think of her in his bed. Way to go Baralai! Got yourself thinking of that! "Let's just go! I think this is enough food." He forced himself not to grab the bag away from the vendor and stomp away. It would be like throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store when you were six to get what you wanted. What he wanted was simple. One was to be left alone and the second was Paine on his bed with him between her legs. Neither was going to happen obviously, but he had to hope!

They made their way towards his house without speaking. Each step held more dread for him. Each step was a sign that he wasn't going home alone. Each reminded him that he was getting shook out of his little world whether he liked it or not. That day when Shuyin possessed his body and made him control Vegnagun was the worst day of his life. He had almost been the animal that killed his friends. Thankfully they ended it and he didn't have to live with the fact of killing them. In all truth…living with the thought of that possibility was enough of a heart ache. Some might think he was overreacting a bit to the whole situation, but in his mind, he wasn't. How could anyone know if they hadn't been in the same situation? They couldn't and thanks to Yuna and the Gullwings, they wouldn't ever have to find out.

Paine watched the different feelings cross his face. Despair. Hurt. Anger. And what really hurt her was that she hasn't been able to figure out a way to help him. Each day of the passed three years she had worried. He meant everything to her. He was the only person that actually knew her. And what made things worse was that she hurt just as much as him through this whole ordeal. That day she couldn't believe what was happening. At first she thought it was him really controlling it. After everything they had been through, she couldn't understand why he would want to do away with it all. A sense of thankfulness came when they found out he was possessed, but when she looked into his eyes and saw that the man she loved was no longer there, it hurt her to the core. She still saw that every day and up until now she had no clue what she was going to do.

"Let's get to work!" She knew she startled him when she spoke since he jumped. Paine didn't even wait for him to answer. She just walked into the house. Even as she stepped in, she still smelt the nasty stench. Most of it had gone away and she knew that by the end of the night, all of it would be gone. "Alright, you start in the living room unless you want to do laundry, while I work on the kitchen? Here!" She handed him one of the boxes of trash bags. "Some of this stuff can't be cleaned even if we wanted it to. So just throw it away!" She turned and walked into the kitchen. As she started scooping up trash, she listened for sounds of him moving. She didn't want to force him into doing something he didn't want to do, but this was unhealthy. Since she loved him, it was her job to help him. Right before she dropped her bag on the floor, the noise of a trash bag being opened made it to her ear. "Good!" She said under her breath and continued to work. "Now we can get some work done!"


End file.
